FROM SCIENTIST TO PERSONAL TRAINER TO ENERGY HEALER,
HERE'S SOME INSIGHT INTO MY STORY:
I wasn't always this way.
Prioritizing the need to stay connected to my intuition.
Wanting to take time to interact with my spirit guides and higher self.
Needing to include creativity, play, rest and reflection into my daily life.
No, I was quite different.
I chose to study and study some more.
I worked hard in any job I ever had, university and eventually in my career as a Research Assistant.
I put my body through intense workouts daily, forcing it to look a certain way.
I restricted what I ate and perfectly portioned anything that went into my mouth.
Quite the 180 degree flip in life!
The best part is?
I am acheiving things now that I never thought possible before, all because of this switch to a life with more ease and joy!
Just like you, I have a story.
A story that I long identified as me. But before I dive into my story about how I went from overachieving scientist and bodybuilder to energy healer and meditation teacher, I think its important to let you know that you are not your story.
You are the creator of your story and the one who is capable of changing it at any point in time.
You are powerful.
As a child, I had a beautiful upbringing with all the challenges and turbulence of any "normal" family. I come from a divorced home, with two very loving parents.
Like any divorced home, regardless of the effort the parents make to give you a "normal" childhood, there is an underlying emotional tension that exists.
Guilt of the parents.
Confusion and sadness of the children.
Mourning of the loss of the family unit as you try to navigate the new family dynamics.
As a child I excelled in many areas
I recognized at a young age that I received a lot of praise when I got a good mark, or if I scored a goal at soccer or if I was a leader amongst my friend group.
The more I acheived the more I felt loved.
So this is where I operated from. A place of action, achievement and protection.
It led me to study biomolecular science.
it led me to a career as a research assistant.
it led me to publications in scientific journals.
It led me to compete in bodybuilding.
It led me to become a personal trainer and nutrition coach.
It led me down a path of self discovery and healing.
It led me to create my own business
But this overachiever had to learn how to rest and reflect before she was able to find herself where she is today.
Oh yes. When we are always go, go, go, emotions start to stock pile. Tensions start to build and ultimately if you don't give yourself the break you are looking for, your body does what it needs to do to get that break.
Working in a career that was out of alignment of my heart and soul, on top of bodybuilding, threw me into a downward spiral.
I feel gratitude for this time because it was such a huge part of the reason why I am where I am today.
Bodybuilding was a pinnacle part of my journey for a few reason so I do not regret it. However, I do regret on how I treated my body, how disconnected I was to it, and I can't help but feel sad for that phase in my life. Its something I am constantly working on and each day it gets better and better, but bodybuilding was a dark time in terms of self loving choices.
"I will be happy with my look when my shoulders are more capped. Just a bit more cardio each day and I should be able to see my abs. I can't eat that, it will make me fat. I can't go there with you, I need to get my workout in."
These are the types of messages that were on repeat.
The more I got into it, the darker it became.
I would constantly find myself on Instagram looking at other women's bodies. Comparing myself to my last months progress photos. Getting caught up in a cycle of overly restricting my eating to full on binge eating.
But outside looking in, I had it made. I had a promising and prestigious career in science, an amazing body and a routine and structure to my day that made me seem like I was crushing this game of life.
On the inside it didn't feel this way. I felt a strong need to be seen and validated. I felt a need to acheive a better body, a better placing a competition, a better following on Instagram.
The more I acheived, the more I felt unsatisfied. My childhood operating system was starting to fail me after I depended on it for so long.
I stuck to what I knew and kept going. Kept pushing. Kept grinding.
But eventually my outside reality started to reflect my inside reality, which was out of alignment, uncentered and unbalanced.
My coach at the time dumped me.
My career in science was becoming unbearable.
My mental health was in a scary place.
I didn't know how to fix it. I just knew how to strive.
My last year of competing in bodybuilding I was diagnosed with a rare lymphatic disease known as Castleman's Disease.
During 2016 I began training to compete at a provincial competition. As I started to lean out I noticed a lump in my armpit while training one day. After seeing my doctor, going through a biopsy, ultrsaounds, CT Scans and eventually surgery, I was diagnosed with a rare lymphatic disease called Castleman's disease.
This woke me up more than anything else.
I was fit. This made me healthy, I thought.
Dealing with doctors and hospitals during this time brought me back to a part of my childhood that I pushed away for some time: my innate capacity for healing.
I grew up with a healer, my mother, who studied reiki in the 90s and often shared this special practice with me.
Something deep inside me told me to seek out a healer and take an alternative approach to my diagnosis.
I went to see my healer almost weekly for a good 6 months.
Aside from going back to visit my doctor at the cancer center with clean blood work that he seemed stumped about, I received so many gifts as I dove into my healing process.
I gained clarity around my life purpose and understood myself in a way I never felt possible. I received insight on what path to walk down and I haven't looked back.
The biggest, most unexpected gift was something I am still learning to fully accept and work with.
Oh boy oh boy am I ever sensitive.
Not just cry at all the sad movies or everytime your friend tells you news, happy or sad, type of sensitive.
I mean so sensitive that I can feel what emotions you're attempting to process.
If you are not in alignment and your energy is off, I can sense it as soon as you enter the room.
If you're holding onto something and not expressing yourself authentically, I feel it in my body.
I learned that this is called empathy.
I built a wall around this gift, like so many of us do with our own gifts.
I wore a protective armour for a long time.
This armour was shiny and adorned in activities like studying, progressing, acheiving, and winning. It was bedazzled in a hard shell that claimed to not need anyone else in life, that claimed to be all good, regardless of everything endured.
This hard shell was pure hustle and grind.
When I became aware of this, I couldn't unsee it.
So I started to really slow down and figure out what I needed on my own terms, not what society told me would equal health and happiness. I dove into meditation, self reflection and personal development.
I learned that the more I listened to my intuition and did what felt right in my heart, the more my life felt effortless and I felt happy.
I started to see it in my personal training clients too. Those who were meeting their goals or improving their health in a positive way were those who took time to for themselves, by themselves, to reflect and recharge.
Those who didn't seemed to be caught in their own limited cycles. Constantly busy in their jobs, tension in their relationships and issues with their bodies. I saw myself in them so intimately and naturally felt called to help them.
Each time I offered a suggestion, one that focused on stepping away, reflecting and releasing, it was met with excuses as to why they couldn't put their emotions first.
This is a natural tendancy.
We aren't taught the importance of maintenance for the emotional, mental and spiritual bodies. We aren't taught that by suppressing our emotions we actually store energies in our tissues and cycles in our subconcious mind that continue the turmoil of these emotions in our ongoing reality.
We aren't taught that we have complete control of all of it.
When I came to the conclusion that I was helping these people live out their stressful realities, piling exercise on top of deadlines and pressures of work, relationship problems, toxic habits, debt and little sleep, it was an easy decision for me to develop a practice that targeted the emotional, mental and spirituals needs of the human experience.
And with this, a new layer of healing has come up for me.
As I step into my role as a healer I find myself needing to conjure up courage.
Courage to share my unique gifts to the world.
Courage to educate on how we can heal ourselves and ultimately the planet.
Courage to be my authentic self regardless of any fears, guilt or shame that creep up.
Walking this healing journey is a privilege and I hope to continue to understand my true essence with each layer of who I'm not gets stripped away.
This is healing, releasing from anything that is not truly you.
And in a world that forces us in to think, feel, and act a certain way, I think that's a pretty cool way to live.